When I turned 21 at the end of last year, I dived right in to the world of craft liquor. And because I went to college at a “dry” university, I totally missed the phase that most people go through at that time in their lives– shots of whatever’s cheapest.
Before this taste test I had never tried Jim Beam, Jack Daniels, Dewar’s White Label, Jameson, or Johnnie Walker Red Label. At this point, I can sense heavy judgement coming my way. I know– shame on me for being late to the cheap whiskey party.
But, this disgrace actually turned into a shining opportunity, as these things do… opportunity for a taste test! I could nearly-objectively compare all these mainstream liquors!
So, with tiny liquor bottles in hand, my ever-patient boyfriend helped me set up a taste test. With little numbers on each tasting glass, he assigned a random number to each liquor and poured them accordingly. He hid the bottles so I couldn’t guess by color, set the glasses up in order by number, then I went to tasting.
First, I went through and wrote tasting notes only.
Second, I went through and rated each out of five stars. Disclaimer: they’re all judged against each other only– in no way am I comparing these to Glenfiddich or Suntory. The basic meanings of each star are as follows:
1 star = never again
2 stars = wouldn’t drink, unless by drinking it, it somehow it cured world hunger
3 stars = would drink if I was at a house party with no other liquor options
4 stars = would order it with Coke at a dive bar
5 stars = would buy a bottle for my home bar
Last, I guessed which one was which, but that didn’t go super great. I didn’t get any right. Methinks I should practice my whiskey tasting skills more often. Practice makes perfect, right?
Mystery Whiskey #1
2.5 stars
This one had the lightest color of them all; it was more straw-colored than amber. It smelled of caramel or toffee and grass. The taste is very light– its earthy and sweet at first. The finish verges on the edge of sour. It really hits the front of the palate and is moderately dry.
Mystery Whiskey #2
3 stars
I thought this one smelled of vegetables and dirt after a rain. The taste was vaguely sweet, solidly smoky, and dry. Primarily though, there’s a distinctive plain alcohol flavor. The ethanol fumes made my eyes burn and tear up– it’s not a good look for me.
Mystery Whiskey #3
4 stars
This whiskey had a little bit of a leafy scent to it. Mildly peat-y. The mouthfeel was surprisingly thick. The flavor was quite ambiguous, and the aftertaste was “weird af” as I wrote on my notecard. Poignant writing, I know.
Mystery Whiskey #4
3.5 stars
Whiskey #4 had a sweetish hint in the nose. It had a drying quality, and tasted like toffee and smoke. Like, seriously, I felt like I was in a smokehouse barbecue restaurant that lets customers smoke cigars with their meal.
Mystery Whiskey #5
4.5 stars
The darkest out of the line-up, this one was hard to put into specific words. It has an identifiable caramel smell. The other scent that came to mind was “outside.” That’s very vague, but really the only word that describes it. The closest descriptor I can tell you is “field,” but that’s not quite accurate. Anyway, the taste was probably the richest of the bunch, hence the darker color. It was also sweet, and tasted kind of yellow. *shrug* Sometimes you have to accept ambiguity.
Now for the big reveal.
Which whiskey is which?
Drum roll please…..
Mystery Whiskey #1
Dewar’s White Label— I expected to like this one best, and I was surprised it turned out to be the lowest rated.
Mystery Whiskey #2
Jim Beam— perfect if you want a whiskey that tastes like it’s mixed with vodka.
Mystery Whiskey #3
Jameson— satisfactory.
Mystery Whiskey #4
Johnnie Walker Red Label— ~smoke on the water, fire in the sky~
Mystery Whiskey #5
Jack Daniels— color me impressed! I mistakenly assumed this would be the worst, but now I can wear my Jack Daniel’s shirt with a moderate amount of dignity.
As always my opinions are just that– opinions. Whatever your favorite whiskey is, go crazy. Not too crazy, because hangovers are terrible, but you know what I mean.
